Late night contemplations...

"This is all I have,

I come before you broken."

-For Today

As my house is literally shaken by the hurricane like blizzard winds, my core has also been shaken. I royally screwed something up the other day (photography related - while completing a job). This was after many accolades and "pats on the back" for how awesome I was going to do and how awesome my previous photography has been. My gear was all charged and ready to go but I walked into the job unprepared and rusty. Now I have to try and reconcile the situation, to salvage the shoot and possibly my friendship with the clients. (I can't say more because they aren't aware of what happened yet.)

"Jesus implores us through this parable [sowing of the seeds and the soil] to pay attention to the roots growing underneath the ground, in places where we cannot see or observe. To do this requires attention beyond superficialities; it requires us to cultivate and nurture seeds." -Makoto Fujimura

I have not been paying attention to my roots. I have not been tending my roots. I have been living superficially. This huge mistake that I alluded to in the first paragraph has shed light on many areas in my life that I've been failing at while appearing to have it all together. 

Time and time again I come to this realization that I cannot go through life alone; whether in the spiritual sense or interpersonal. My foundation has been cracking due to neglect. It is pride that leads me to this place. I want to look "squared away", sharp, awesome, loving, motivated, intelligent, hip, etc. Well... Not to sound cocky but for the most part I have appeared to be all these things. Here's the truth though: I have been more concerned with appearances than caring for the "roots". I feel like a shell of a human. I've become a stress-filled, dissatisfied, shallow man. I've become a "Sunday Christian". 

I'm sick of it!

• It is time to tear through my insecurities and excuses. 
• It is time to "unplug" myself from my distractions. 
• It is time to get in the Word again on a daily basis. 
• It is time to invest my time into my art - craft - vision. 
• It is time to kill that desire to throw in the towel.
• It is time to take control of my schedule.
• It is time to stop being lazy.
• It is time to love others regardless if others are.
• It is time to DIE TO MEDIOCRITY!

The Word tells us to make the most of our days. I have definitely failed at this. There is much to do, so without any further delay I'm going to get started. PRAY FOR ME!