Lyrics of the day...

"No I don't belong here,

I'll never call this place my home,

I'm just passing through."

-Thrice

Retro post...

May 9th, 2002 - Livejournal


As the future stares me in the face I must be strong enough to tackle it. Devise a strategy so I can have a winning game. That way when I lay there, a decrepit old man I will have no regrets. Regrets about how I raised my kids, treated my wife or served others.

Take some time to look up from the daily grind to enjoy the sky.

Life is a gift, be thankful for it.

Quote of the day...

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world, indeed it's the only thing that ever has."
-Margaret Mead

Thought provoking...

A friend sent me the following image via email. I'm still "processing" it, as it has been weighing on me since I received it yesterday afternoon. There are many conclusions one can make about the meaning that the (unknown) artist is alluding to.

Music... Ahhh... Music...

Music is an integral part of my life. From 4th grade through 9th grade I played the trumpet (well technically a coronet). Growing up in a conservative Christian home, one where my dad worked at a Christian radio station; it was expected and enforced that we'd only listen to "Christian music". It is with a smile that I think back to my childhood, secretly listening to "secular" songs on a clock radio - hoping not to get caught. One of my favorite songs, strangely, was Iesha by Another Bad Creation circa 1990. Over time my folks loosened the reigns a bit and allowed me to listen to country music. (Yes, it's true I used to love country music.) I cannot explain the rationale behind this, maybe I should talk to my folks. Perhaps country music was "ok" because somehow country artists interweave "Christianity" into their music about broken marriages, drunkenness and the proverbial pickup truck. It wasn't until I left home at the age of 19 that I really began understanding, and appreciating the wide range of music that has been gifted to us. My friend James introduced me to some incredible bands (to name a few): U2, The Cure, The Clash, The Smiths, and Depeche Mode. Several of which became my favorite bands. My life, and my testimony wouldn't be the same without The Cure's - Pictures of You.


Music has shaped me. It has strengthened me. Music has darkened my day, and has also brightened it. I can't help but see how valuable music is, when I see a homeless man walking down the street with all his earthly possessions on his back, and the thing he clings to tightest is his guitar.

"Music is the best refreshment of a troubled man,

whereby his heart is again brought to peace,

invigorated and refreshed."

-Martin Luther

Lyrics of the day...

"You make beautiful things,
You make beautiful things out of us!"
-Gungor

Stoked!

This has really nothing to do with what The Transparency Campaign is about. But...

A-Basin opened today!!!

Mixed messages...

Last night I attended a gala to benefit local crisis pregnancy centers, or as they're now referred to as, "care pregnancy centers". Even in a shirt and tie I felt underdressed. I knew I should have worn my suit coat... The night revolved around a central theme, that life was to be cherished. At one point the MC asked people to raise their hand if they had kids, and people clapped and cheered for them. It was at this point that some of the right-wing ideas of the evening came to light. The MC didn't start, and never even got to the people that had one, two or three children, but went straight to "Who has four children?" And the number went up from there. I don't mind people honoring parents, that is a beautiful thing, but to be true to their intended message of life is beautiful, to be cherished, to be protected, etc; they should have honored all parents, not just ones that drive 15-passenger vans. Anyways.

The keynote speaker was Tony Perkins, the President of the Family Research Council. Being a former Marine, a former Police Officer, and a former Politician, he spoke with great "command presence". His 20ish minute talk involved a mixture of wit and wisdom. I nodded my head numerous times in agreement to things he had to say, but I also was picking up on a weird bipolar message as well. Before I get to that let me retell a joke that Mr. Perkins told.

There were two senators in D.C., one a Republican and one a Democrat. Over coffee they were arguing who was more religious. Back and forth they went defending why they were more pious. Finally the Republican says to the Dem, "I bet you twenty-dollars that you cannot recite the Lord's Prayer." The Democrat makes a snappy comment about how easy that is and launches in. "Now I lay me down to sleep..." At the conclusion, standing there in amazement the Republican pulls his wallet from his pocket and produces a $20 bill. He says, "I didn't think you would have known that!"


Now back to the keynote address... Mr. Perkins said several times that we should value life in all stages, from the not yet born to the elderly. I completely agree, and it is this holistic approach towards life that the pro-life movement is missing. Either we are truly "pro-life" or we are merely "anti-abortion". Mr. Perkins called on those in attendance to "get out and vote" on November 2nd, and broadly supported the Republican Party. I couldn't help but think about how typically Republicans are pro-war, which is anti-(others) life but pro-(American) life. As true followers of Christ I say that we must be completely concerned with all life. The unborn, the aged, the orphan, the widow, and even the Iraqi. It would be a true pro-life position to oppose warfare.

Another direction Mr. Perkins went was to remind us that we have the personal obligation to change our world. This too I can agree with. He even said that the Church should be leading the way in service to others instead of our government. Agreed. But of course he told us to vote for Republicans, never minding the Democrats or Independents in the audience. Because apparently God loves Republicans, and the other parties dislike freedom, want to spend your hard-earned pay, and want to kill babies. He tried to appear unpolitical or even bipartisan from time to time, but his right-wing message came out loud and clear.

When we start placing labels on people that is when mistreatment instead of love takes place. Oh they're just slaves. Mexicans. Third World. Hookers. Fags. Democrats. People - created in the image of God become nothing more than a statistic, or something to be feared. The lens of the Bible is quite clear, and free of our political distortion. We are to LOVE ALL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME!

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
-James 1:27

Life is a gift, there is no question. This evening in a room filled with those I'd consider "brothers and sisters", the Lord shined a spotlight on my heart. Asking me "What are you doing?" I can donate thousands of dollars a year to charity but are my hands getting dirty? Am I loving well? Is my religion "pure and faultless" because I care for widows and orphans?

LOVE ALL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME!

Lyrics of the day...

"Don't hide behind your weakness."
-War of Ages




(I'll be writing later today about my observations of a pro-life benefit gala I attended Sat. night.)

Quote of the day...

"The Church has lost touch with the real, controversial and challenging Jesus Christ and His teachings."
-Me, circa 2006

The Transparency Campaign marches on... And my time on Facebook draws to an end...

(Saturday, October 16, 2010)

Just the other day I posted here on Facebook that I'd be pulling the plug for awhile. Since that day I've received numerous replies and text messages asking me why. While several people have been supportive, the most common response seems to be one of fear. Fear that I'll suddenly cease to exist or something. I'm being dramatic here but this is how I feel. Just because I'm going to take a hiatus from social networking does not mean that I no longer have a functioning cell phone, a physical address or even that I'm going to take up residence in a cave.

Thinking back and even looking back at thing I've written, I've come to realize that Facebook has become sort of a clone, a fabrication of real relationships. Sure it's fun to "follow" lives of "friends" from high school (never mind I've been out of high school for close to 15 years), but if I lived in the same town would I show such interest - giving them hours of my day, everyday? While there are hundreds of Facebook "friends", how many are true friends? Here over the past couple of months, and even the past couple of weeks genuine relationships have been at the forefront of my mind.  This has been spurred on by two, and possibly more distinct things. I'll just share with you the two...

#1. My relationship with my gorgeous girlfriend Andrea... I've been chided for the amount of times my status has included her but that's not where I'm going with this. What I've discovered is that my knowledge and love for her doesn't grow because of what I know from my computer screen, but from hours upon hours in face-to-face, real relationship with her. While it's fun to share photos of our adventures together - online. It is those adventures, or even non-adventures like grocery shopping that are most rewarding. 

#2. My long-distance relationship with my family... It is so hard being away from my self-described "crazy" family. I may not see them but two or three times a year, but they truly mean the world to me. Here two weeks ago Andrea and I went to California to visit them. What joy it was to play with my nephews, to cook for my family, and to sit in a living room and merely laugh. Tangible. Real. Valuable. Memory making. I miss that and Facebook doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.

There have been several other times I've come close to pulling the plug on Facebook; I just haven't had the courage to do it or I'd talk myself out of it. Two of my biggest excuses for maintaining my account have been...

#1. I enjoy starting conversations (or even a debate. Shocking I know.)... Facebook has given me a virtual soapbox on which to step and discuss personal, religious, and political things. For some reason I feel that this medium is like a megaphone for me. I like challenging people because it is in this that change may occur or beliefs become strengthened. But here's the thing, I really have no way of knowing my impact, if any. Maybe people have grown tired of me and have hit the "hide" button. Having people sit in my living room discussing ___________________ is so much more stretching and authentic. 

#2. I need to show off my photo talent in order to find work... Yes there is merit to marketing myself. But then to be perfectly honest I am seeking attention more than I am seeking clients. It is always nice to be wanted, and I love "words of affirmation". Why not make art that touches lives instead of fishes for compliments?

Here about 2 months ago a friend pulled the plug on his Facebook. He too was bombarded by a throng of people telling him, "Don't go!" He set up some hurdles to jump before he'd allow himself back on. These were lofty goals such as reading "War and Peace". I'm not that heady to tackle such a goal. But let me get down to some of the reasons I'm breaking up with Facebook...

Probably the biggest reason is I waste hours everyday on it. Yes hours. Sure I don't watch TV, but I do sit in front of my computer way to much. Facebook has become an addiction. One that I have to feed first thing in the morning, before I goto work, at work, and before bed. It isn't enough to cut back, I truly need to quit cold-turkey. And as I result I hope my life becomes more productive.

Next. Put simply, I give more time to Facebook every week than I do to my friends, family, personal/ professional development, and most importantly, God.

My room, my budget, my house, and often times, my head - is a mess. And most times instead of working on these things I'll put it all on the back burner in favor of Facebooking.

Andrea said it clearly the other day. She described me as and "all in or all out" person. This is true. That is why I must be deliberate about this Facebook fast. Being half-assed just doesn't cut it for me.

I have a pile of books that are half read. Adventures not lived out. A room that has been a wreck for years. People gone unloved. Trails gone unridden. Plans not finished. Thoughts not completed. Dreams unfulfilled. I cannot and will not throw my life away any longer.

Goodbye Facebook. It isn't you, it's me. I need some space.

- Tim

GOALS:

Finish several books I've started.

Clean and keep clean my room, finally.

Donate 1/4+ of my clothes.

Clean my garage.

1 intentional photo outing a week.

Journal more.

Love more.

Serve more.

Decide on some business specifics (branding/ pricing/ marketing). 

The first of many...

So this begins a new adventure. Why now? Well roughly 48 hours ago I pulled the plug on my Facebook account. No, I didn’t delete it, but I did deactivate it in order to be more productive, and to love well. (I’ll be posting the note I wrote about that, no worries.) What an odd feeling that was at midnight – Sunday. It almost felt that I was trading my life for something uncertain. So many hours a day were spent there on facebook having “relationships” with friends. What about REALationships? I guess that’s what my intentional step away from social-networking is about. Getting back to investing my life and time into those I love, and even those I don’t know.

Aside from looking at tons of amateur photos the thing that I have already missed most is being able to express myself through writing. I know. I know. You’re like, “But it’s only been 48 hours.” Very true, but that still doesn’t relieve me of that longing. Over the past couple of years I have written about the things I’ve been wrestling with most deeply. From pacifism to relationship drama to nationalism in the church to love to political musings to stories of serving the homeless on cold - dark nights. These were difficult and brutally honest glimpses into what often transpires in my head or heart. Sometimes I’d title these posts as my “Transparency Campaign”, hence this blog’s name.

What I’ve discovered in sharing these things, and in sharing my personal testimony of a very “dark” time almost 11 years ago when I contemplated suicide; is that I/ we are not alone. Too many times I’ve lied to peoples’ faces. And the most disturbing thing was this lying most frequently took place in a church setting. The typical question from a fellow churchgoer, “How are you this morning?” followed by my fake smile and the insincere, “I’m great!” What would have happened if my response deviated from the typical, or was answered with truth? Maybe I had a shitty day. What  if I was suicidal? How would that parishioner have responded? While I don’t want to burden my reader with ranting about things, I do feel there is value in being transparent. It is during these times that I am encouraged even if I’m broken. We are all broken in our own ways.

I’d love this blog to be a place where I can keep my writing skills sharp yet offer up thought provoking material without the juvenile banter of Facebook. Point-Blank Prose & Propaganda. That is what you’ll find here. And right off the bat those two words, Prose & Propaganda, cause some tension. Over the years I’d heard the word “prose”, but I never took the time to understand it. Prose means writing matter-of-factly. And well, then there’s propaganda. The deliberate spreading of information. So that’s what I’m hoping to accomplish here at The Transparency Campaign. Transparent matter-of-fact thinking and information. I’d love to have you along on the journey. It may be dangerous, but as long as we’re in this together we’ll come out stronger.

"[...] Teachers are suspect; writers are suspect, because people who use words are able to work out complex ideas, to see injustice, and perhaps even try to do something about it."

- Madeleine L'Engle 

Welcome.