Here recently a longtime and dear friend posted an article on Facebook that was extremely polarizing. But they claimed the intention was merely to start a discussion. "Funny" how that doesn't work well when you open by saying X group of people are wrong. Then go one step further by shutting down people who wish to discuss the topic by saying "We'll just have to agree to disagree."
I'm pretty sure I've said that before, most likely in jest. The thing about that saying, it's bullshit. What you're truly saying is, "My opinion is more important than what you think and how that opinion affects you. I have absolutely no desire to hear you out with the intention of knowing you better. There is no chance I could be wrong."
Over the years I have said and done mean things, but one of the worst things someone can do to another is to be dismissive. Recently I saw a study that showed children who are ignored by their parents are just as damaged as those who have been physically abused by their parents. When someone says, "We'll just have to agree to disagree." they've just shut down. Anything you say is going to go in one ear and out the other of that person. They are no longer valuing you or your opinion. There is this wall that begins to be built between you two because of that. Why in the world would you ever want to share your thoughts with someone who cares more about their opinion than you?
Not long ago I was driving downtown with a lesbian friend (yes I have those). We passed a guy who was standing on a flower box yelling condemnation on everyone who passed in the name of his god. After we passed my friend thanked me for not being like that guy. She said she knows what I believe, but because I love her she wants to know about my God and has no desire to know about the street preacher's god. In a genuine relationship one can love the other without seeing eye to eye because there is a willingness to know the other completely. You know that "unconditional love" thing?
Those of us who have a spouse know full well that we're not going to always agree 100% with our spouse. But if we essentially tell them to F-off because their opinion doesn't matter, we have sabotaged that relationship and I'll be bold enough to say it, started its demise.
I'm NOT saying that we must walk on eggshells or agree with everything that someone we talk to/have a relationship with. Being a pushover severely limits the real you, the person you were created to be. We've all met those people who don't have their own opinion; those "yes men"; those "uh huh" conversationalists. But having an opinion doesn't mean that you have to be disrespectful, forceful or dismissive. Isn't it imperative that our ideas have an audit from time to time? Maybe that looks like - your opinion differing from that of a friend, and the two of you two genuinely wrestling with those opinions. After all, ideas have consequences. It's healthy to take stock of our beliefs, and when you can wade through everything with someone/others (even those who do not agree) you can see where you may have been wrong, AND strengthen those other beliefs.
So before you write someone off by saying, "We'll just have to agree to disagree.", realize that person may not trust you with their heart again.
"The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists of listening to them. Just as love of God begins with listening to his word, so the beginning of love for our brothers and sisters is learning to listen to them." — Dietrich Bonhoeffer
