Beauty Will Save the World

As the next season of the proverbial trashcan fire, The Bachelor, begins I've been dwelling on a weird phenomena. In an apparent pushback against a culture that seems so preoccupied with women's physical beauty there are parents who have decided to forgo telling their girls that they are beautiful or mentioning their looks. 

Sure I'm a new dad, but forgoing telling my daughter that I think she's beautiful seems so foreign to me. I want to lavish her with affection, words of affirmation and attention all day - everyday. Our American culture seems to chew up and spit out our youth. Colorado Springs has one of the highest teen suicide rates in the country. Some might be quick to chalk it up to "mental health", but I would say it has a lot to do with the voices speaking in to these kids' lives. You can only be bullied, body shamed, or called "fugly" for so long before you start to wonder your worth.

"Identity is discovered through the voice we listen to."

- Jonathan Helser 

If the influence of peers isn't strong enough to define our kids; research has said that we see 3,000+ advertisements per day. If you turn on the TV, peruse a magazines or scroll Instagram, you will probably come away with the sense that you aren't attractive, fit or exciting enough. Now imagine that those voices are all your kids hear... What if you never told your wife that you thought she was beautiful? What if the first time your daughter heard "you're beautiful" was from a guy who was trying to date her?  

It's unfortunate that media and society holds so much power to shape us. We must have consistent, wise and loving voices speaking into the lives of our children. It is our duty as parents to provide that fertile soil so that our kids grow up to be strong and loving adults. There is no time for passivity. Tell them how wonderful, smart, kind, beautiful/handsome you think they are. Words are powerful - use them for good.     

"I think refraining from calling something that is beautiful - beautiful, is inherently inhuman... My girls are beautiful.  And I'll be damned if I don't tell them so."

- James, father of 4 girls and my long time friend

#@&^ you! Obey the law!

I'm tired. Maybe it's because I care too much. I'm heartbroken by the children being separated from their parents when they come to the United States seeking a better/safer life. And I'm heartbroken by the callous friends I have, especially ones who claim to be "Christians". Some people will say that this policy of separating kids from parents has taken place for years - prior to Trump. Maybe it has, but just because we're/I'm unaware of something doesn't make it any less troublesome. 

Longstanding policy ≠ ok.

Why blog about it? Because I find it therapeutic. When I can process in black and white I feel I understand better. Ultimately I hope a reader begins to think clearer as well.

I slept like crap last night after reading something a friend posted on Facebook - a status about immigration, saying that the parents are "irresponsible". That if the immigrants would "obey the law" they wouldn't find themselves in the predicament where their children are taken by our government. 

This is just asinine.

If anything the parents fleeing 3rd world countries - where death, disease, hunger, and cartel violence are daily occurrences are the MOST responsible parents. Why would you ever want to subject your children to those things? I've only been a dad for 3 months but I'm beginning to realize I'd do most anything to protect or provide for my daughter. 

Here's the thing... "obey the law" is a nice catch phrase if it fits your narrative. If it fits inside your myopic worldview or political ideology. 

There are times where laws are unjust, unreasonable, or even downright evil. Hell, even America was founded on this notion; our founders wanted to live in a place with freedom, free of (legal) religious and political oppression. We have a moral obligation to denounce and even disobey laws that are unjust.    

"An unjust law is itself a species of violence. Arrest for its breach is more so." 

- Gandhi

Women in many Arab countries are considered second class citizens. They are subject to inhumane treatment to include beatings and public floggings because they were "immodest"; and there's the barbaric "female genital mutilation". We would be wrong to flippantly tell those women "obey the law". 

What of America's Jim Crow Laws? Clearly segregation is wrong. Yet for years upon years Americans treated "colored" people as second class citizens or worse, as animals. The civil rights marches and acts of civil disobedience flew in the face of those who said "obey the law". Many black Americans were beaten, lynched, and arrested for disobeying unjust laws. 

   
These are just a couple of examples why merely saying "obey the law" is not only careless but it silences the voice of those who are dealing with the dichotomy of living under injustice or opposing it.

Sure, parents are separated from their children if they're arrested for a [felony] crime. Here's the thing... The children aren't then moved 1,500 miles away and put in a cage in a detention facility. If American youth were treated this way the lawsuits would be endless. How in the world do you get these kids back to parents who are deported? 

We can do better! We must do better! If America truly wants to be great again we have to lead by example - we must treat others as we want to be treated - we must love our neighbors. Why not be known for loving well and doing the right thing even if it's the hard thing? 

"The church would betray its own love for God and its fidelity to the gospel if it stopped being . . . a defender of the rights of the poor . . . a humanizer of every legitimate struggle to achieve a more just society . . . that prepares the way for the true reign of God in history." 

- Bishop Oscar Romero

Round them up!

This week has been really trying for me. Not really because I work with people experiencing homelessness, but because more and more there is this truly insane us vs. them ideology building here in Colorado Springs. In recent days I've heard the following:

• "Make them move to Kansas! It's cheaper to live in Kansas!"
• "Send them to Mexico!"
• Suggestions to "round them up" and force those who are homeless to live in a designated place.
• An idea to put out landmines to deter camping.
• A heartfelt suggestion to "lop off arms" (and by "heartfelt" I mean: a black heart).
• "Can we round them up and set them on fire?"

Where is this hatred coming from? Unfortunately I believe it's because people get worked up into a frenzy by social media and news reports. In the late spring there were a handful of fires along I-25 in Colorado Springs; the media reported they were caused by "the homeless" when in actuality there weren't any camps in those areas. Yesterday there was a grassfire by the VA Hospital, once again it was reported that it was because of "the homeless" - I'm sure that investigation is still open so I can't comment like I'd like to, but I'm skeptical of that after walking the fire area. Citizens are also pissed off about all the panhandlers. I have to remind them that most aren't homeless, they are "professional panhandlers". How do we address panhandling? By encouraging people to give to legitimate organizations who are doing good vs. giving to scam artists. Because when someone's "flying a sign" that says "hungry" they're clearly lying (there are so many free meals and food pantries here).

Is Colorado Springs facing a homeless crisis? Absolutely! But it isn't solved if "they get a fucking job."

Most of those who are chronically homeless have a "dual-diagnosis", meaning they have mental health issues combined with substance abuse. The rate of homelessness went up by 48% from January 2016 to January 2017. Pikes Peak United Way did a study to look into affordable housing, and they determined that Colorado Springs is short 24,000 units of affordable housing.

Stats are just numbers, and by the numbers there were 1,415 people here in the Colorado Springs metro area who have their own story as to why they're homeless. I've met women who live outside and trade sex for safety (aka "dating"). I've met a massive family who was living in a decrepit RV - the parents and some of the children were deaf. I've met people who cannot afford rent and wind up on the street. So whether you're looking at the stats or listening to people's' stories you begin to realize that ending homelessness isn't a simple fix. And it definitely isn't solved by one entity. We, WE have to tackle this as a community. Oh and "send them back to where they came from" isn't the answer either because >75% are from here.

The cost to do nothing is great; $58,000 on average annually per chronically homeless person. We need to begin having the conversation locally and nationally about homelessness. It affects you, it affects your community and it clearly affects those who live in their car, under a bridge, in a park or along the highway.

"No culture can live if it attempts to be exclusive."

- Mahatma Gandhi

What are we going to do?

It’s the eve of the 2016 U.S. presidential election and I have this feeling, like a huge sigh of relief building. The truth is – it isn’t because my candidate is going to win (because they’re not), but merely because I feel like this election cycle has beaten life out of me. I’m ready for the attack ads to be over and for things to get back to normal. Yes, normal, well Washington D.C. normal.


"Whether you are a fervent believer – a patriot to the core – or a bewildered skeptic – unsure that nationalistic faith can ever deliver – take heart!


This is not the end.


I offer such hope as a professing skeptic, unpersuaded of the virtue of a vote for either candidate this week, and all but void of belief that either party can make America great again. But I am not afraid. I hope because our ability to live a rich and meaningful life does not rest on the greatness of America."
- Thad Norvell


Friends have said that this election has affected their mental health. One such friend said that when he watches TV he feels like he is seeing the final episode of America. I too have felt this unbelievable burden, fear even about what’s going to happen tomorrow. What doesn’t help is the constant barrage of “news” regarding the candidates; so much of which is complete and utter B.S. The way I’ve tried to cope with the election stress has been humor via sharing and authoring political memes. Unfortunately I may have added to the fray instead of doing something that was profitable.

Just the other day Dave Ramsey said “No president is going to fix your life!” That brought my head back into a healthy place. Sure a president can make life more difficult due to taxes/policy/etc. But in the grand scheme of things American life will continue on vastly unchanged. How? Because the system has become so ineffective. Our “leaders” are too busy bickering and sticking to their guns to actually accomplish anything or even represent us well. You know… taxation without representation?

During the 2012 election I wrote this and it is even truer four years later:

“Somewhere along the way Americans have surrendered their pioneering passion of personal liberty, self-reliance, adventure, and freedom; trading it in for the mentality that our government has our best interests in mind.”

So regardless of who is elected tomorrow, the real question is – What are we going to do? It would be easy to celebrate your candidate winning or bitch about your candidate losing, all in all perpetuating the cycle of dependence on government. Your president, your senator, your representative isn’t coming to your house or your neighborhood to help you love well. They aren’t going to show up and care for the widow down the block. They will be a no show when that single mom is having a really rough day. Loving well - serving others - having heart is on YOU! And if you’re a Christian loving others is heck only the second greatest commandment. I for one haven’t been loving well, I have been highly critical of others and have fed the fire of discord. So please forgive me, I should be a better example. Even as I wrap this up I’ve seen several friends on Facebook encouraging others to not leave their destiny in a president’s hands but to do something to better our world. That does my jaded heart good. Far too many times during this election I’ve said we’re “doomed” or “screwed”. That’s only true if we give up.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER

Pissed, Frustrated and Fed Up.

Disclaimer... This may be a little ranty, and all over the place, but I am at the point where I just don't know what else to do but air my feelings.

I'm pissed. I'm frustrated. I'm tired, emotionally and physically. And overall I'm just fed up.

I guess I don't understand this concept of "white privilege". Apparently this guy, me, a simple dude from California's Central Valley isn't a self-made man after all. Somewhere along the way I received a boost, a hand up from unseen entities to get where I am today. I didn't have to work for what I have. This idea that I have some sort of "privilege" is so asinine. I have my G.E.D., I busted my ass in the military and I am a first generation college graduate. So am I offended that people say that I somehow cheated? Absolutely. I fought, and scratched, and worked to be where I am today. That's what successful people do.

Do I understand what it's like to be black? No, just like I don't know what it's like to be from the country, or from Taiwan, or from South America. There's a lot I don't know. I had no choice in where I was born, what time period, or my race. Yet somehow I'm a villain, an oppressor?!

With all that's going on with Ferguson, NYC, etc. I am finally seeing this "racial divide". The problem is, I don't think that the divide is closing. It seems that society is being torn even further apart. Lines are being drawn and walls are coming up. Something I didn't feel in 1992 when the L.A. riots happened, but then again I was just a fourteen year old kid at the time and my "antenna" for such things was not what it is today.

How is it that I'm the "bad guy" for being a Police Officer? These "F*** the Police" dissenters would say it's ridiculous to say that all foster parents are child molesters, or that all accountants embezzle money; yet somehow all cops are out to kill people, and trample civil and human rights. Hmm. Oh, and I'm a dirty cop because I won't acknowledge "systemic oppression"... Is it possible that between serving my community of half a million people and my own private life, that I might not be aware of "systemic oppression" in some other city that I've never been - involving people I don't know? When the Ferguson situation began I literally had to Google it to even know where it was, and I lived at one point less than 3 hours from there.  

But of course I'm not allowed to have an opinion because I'm white. Oh yeah, a white COP. I'm doubly damned.

Sorry, these are all frustrations and thoughts that have been swirling around in my head, even keeping me awake at night. So why rant? Why be vulnerable? Why spill these feelings? Because I'm human and just like you - I want to be heard and accepted. I don't want to B.S. you.

I would find it very easy to become a recluse, cutting those people who don't agree with me right out of my life. That would be the easy way out. But that isn't the way reconciliation, growth, love or understanding takes place.

A long time friend sent me this quote last week, it really helped me overcome the urge to shut down and shutout people. Thanks Jeff.

"We do not really see through our eyes or hear through our ears,

but through our beliefs.

To put our beliefs on hold is to cease to exist as ourselves

for a moment -- and that is not easy.

It is painful as well,

because it means turning yourself inside out,

giving up your own sense of who you are,

and being willing to see yourself in the unflattering light

of another's angry gaze.

It is not easy, but it is the only way to learn

what it might feel like to be someone else

and the only way to start the dialogue."

- Lisa Delpit

Yesterday's sermon at my church also hit me really hard. I was reminded how stubborn I can be. Sometimes I find myself shutting down in the face of conflict and that is incredibly selfish, plus it prohibits resolution. How hard it is to resist telling off those who I feel are condemning me. 

I'm a flawed human, and as a Christian I'm called to love. Yet as the Pastor pointed out yesterday, "You cannot truly love people you dislike. We have bought into the lie that we can separate loving and liking." So am I loving well as of late? No.

The Pastor also said, "In order for us to love and like people we have to enter their world." He issued us this rhetorical challenge: 

"Who's world do you need to step into?"

That's what I am trying to figure out, and how that's done. Done in an honest, humble, and without ulterior motives kinda way. There is so much I have yet to learn. So much left to experience. Please forgive me for not being mindful or constructive as of late. In the perfect words of G.K. Chesterton when asked what was wrong with the world, he replied, "I am."

Closed ears. Closed hearts.

Here recently a longtime and dear friend posted an article on Facebook that was extremely polarizing.  But they claimed the intention was merely to start a discussion.  "Funny" how that doesn't work well when you open by saying X group of people are wrong.  Then go one step further by shutting down people who wish to discuss the topic by saying "We'll just have to agree to disagree."

I'm pretty sure I've said that before, most likely in jest.  The thing about that saying, it's bullshit.  What you're truly saying is, "My opinion is more important than what you think and how that opinion affects you.  I have absolutely no desire to hear you out with the intention of knowing you better.  There is no chance I could be wrong."

Over the years I have said and done mean things, but one of the worst things someone can do to another is to be dismissive.  Recently I saw a study that showed children who are ignored by their parents are just as damaged as those who have been physically abused by their parents.  When someone says, "We'll just have to agree to disagree." they've just shut down.  Anything you say is going to go in one ear and out the other of that person.  They are no longer valuing you or your opinion.  There is this wall that begins to be built between you two because of that.  Why in the world would you ever want to share your thoughts with someone who cares more about their opinion than you?

Not long ago I was driving downtown with a lesbian friend (yes I have those).  We passed a guy who was standing on a flower box yelling condemnation on everyone who passed in the name of his god.  After we passed my friend thanked me for not being like that guy.  She said she knows what I believe, but because I love her she wants to know about my God and has no desire to know about the street preacher's god.  In a genuine relationship one can love the other without seeing eye to eye because there is a willingness to know the other completely.  You know that "unconditional love" thing? 

Those of us who have a spouse know full well that we're not going to always agree 100% with our spouse.  But if we essentially tell them to F-off because their opinion doesn't matter, we have sabotaged that relationship and I'll be bold enough to say it, started its demise.

I'm NOT saying that we must walk on eggshells or agree with everything that someone we talk to/have a relationship with.  Being a pushover severely limits the real you, the person you were created to be.  We've all met those people who don't have their own opinion; those "yes men"; those "uh huh" conversationalists.  But having an opinion doesn't mean that you have to be disrespectful, forceful or dismissive.  Isn't it imperative that our ideas have an audit from time to time?  Maybe that looks like - your opinion differing from that of a friend, and the two of you two genuinely wrestling with those opinions.  After all, ideas have consequences.  It's healthy to take stock of our beliefs, and when you can wade through everything with someone/others (even those who do not agree) you can see where you may have been wrong, AND strengthen those other beliefs. 

So before you write someone off by saying, "We'll just have to agree to disagree.", realize that person may not trust you with their heart again.

"The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists of listening to them. Just as love of God begins with listening to his word, so the beginning of love for our brothers and sisters is learning to listen to them." — Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Sticks and Stones.

Just recently someone very dear to me told me to "fuck off", on Facebook none the less.  This hit me hard because this person has never spoken to me like that, and I doubt either one of us would be that disrespectful in person.  But this has got me thinking about the words we say, more importantly the words I say.  How awful is it that I can recall the "funny" but hurtful things I've said but not the healthy things?

 

We have all heard or even sang that kids' anti-bullying song - "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  What a load of crap.  Words are one of the most powerful things we have in us.  How we use them or neglect to use them has vast impact on those we love and those we come in contact with. 

 

It's not naïve to think that anyone reading this has had someone tell them off, break their heart or neglect them.  Our world is full of broken people, I being one of them.  I am also a culprit.  Many friends struggle with self-worth issues because their father made comments about their weight or looks.  Others try to "feel" something/anything in the wake of a parent never telling them that they were loved.  On one of my favorite TV shows, ABC's Extreme Weight Loss, many of the folks have wound up where they are because of the things those closest to them said. 

 

How do we break this destructive cycle?  How do we treat people better?  Maybe it begins with believing that others have worth equal to ours.  I have struggled with things such as "labels" for people (like shown in the photo above).  Recently I've been trying to change my attitude toward others, especially while driving in construction traffic.  Too many times I've internally said "What a retard/dick/asshole/bitch!" when someone has cut me off.  Since I've started to think of that person as highly as myself I have begun to not immediately think these things.  I have no idea what that person is going through or why they are driving carelessly but it's unhealthy for me to think of others so poorly. 

 

I've been married just over two years and I have seen in myself the stubbornness that arises during conflict.  In these times I have found it easy to clam up.  It's a good thing that I don't say mean things, but it can be just as hurtful to not say the things that need to be said.  Things such as - "I love you", "I'm sorry", "Please forgive me", "I trust you", etc.

 

I should have written out a flowchart for where I wanted this post to go, but I didn't and coupled with the afternoon slump I've hit the wall. 

 

All this to say: Be mindful of others.  Words said or unsaid can hurt or heal.  Love with abandon, you can't love too much (well... unless you're promoting someone's addiction or violating a Restraining Order).  Write a note to someone to let them know you appreciate them (I have two such notes from people, my wife and a friend, that I see daily).  Talk to that neighbor that seems difficult.  Text message those closest to you, or even someone you care about that you haven't talked to in awhile and let them know you're thinking about them.  Treat others as you want to be treated... you know, that "Golden Rule" thing.  

Pumping Fists and Broken Hearts - My Take on the Zimmerman Verdict.

Ever since the day that Trayvon Martin was killed there has been tension surrounding the case.  That tension is even more pronounced since George Zimmerman was found "not guilty" on Saturday night.  I have seen comments from musicians saying that justice was not done and someone on the other side of the coin who said that justice was done when Zimmerman pulled the trigger.

Well, I have an opinion too...  I believe that "neighborhood watch volunteer" George Zimmerman created his own exigency which led to Martin losing his life.  In layman's terms, "exigency" means an emergency.  Creating a situation where force, especially lethal force, must be used is forbidden within law enforcement.  There is much "case law" that prohibits exigency creation.

Here's the thing; it doesn't matter what you or I think of the verdict.  It doesn't matter that people around the nation are protesting the verdict.  What's done is done.  We have a system in place that is built on the premise that defendants are "innocent until PROVEN guilty."  Sure we know that Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon Martin, but the exact details aren't so clear because only those two were present (and dead-men tell no tales).  The prosecution must prove "beyond a reasonable doubt" that a defendant committed X crime.  That didn't happen in State of Florida Vs. Zimmerman, and Zimmerman is a free man - just like our system is designed.  The reason we have our "flawed" judicial system, aside from The Constitution, is so that innocent persons go free even at the risk that guilty persons go free.  It would be a much more miserable place to live if you could be locked away for years or life merely on the accusation of committing a crime (no, I'm not going to tackle the whole Guantanamo Bay thing here).

Protest if you must, march if you must but ultimately George Zimmerman has to live his life knowing those things that he only knows; he can't be tried again.  We also have protection against "double jeopardy".  What would make a greater impact is asking that Florida or your own state create or modify laws for greater clarity when it comes to self-defense; that private citizens are also held accountable for their actions in cases where they created their own exigency.

As we see time and time again however is that laws don't change peoples' hearts.  Sitting idly by, or sitting around bitching that our community sucks changes nothing.  As Gandhi said, we must be the change we wish to see.  We must view others, ALL OTHERS, as having as much value as ourselves.  When you see someone eye to eye, and see they are of great worth this changes everything; from the way you treat your significant other to a stranger panhandling.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

- MLK Jr.

How are you going to shine and love today? 

When our paths change direction...

I've been a Christian since I was five and can still recall the "conversion experience", that of saying the "Sinner's Prayer".  However my faith was not my own faith, I don't think I even understood what I did that day.  It wasn't until I left home at 19 that I had to make a decision about many things, probably the most important decision being that about my "faith", my "religion".

Since that time my path has led me through huge life and career transitions, friends and family dying, doubting times, reassured times, a very "dark" period where I thought about taking my life, "mountain top" experiences, and even a time where I cursed God and dared Him to strike me dead.  I doubted God, I doubted He even existed.  I questioned why I had to go through times that I thought would end me.  I still wrestle with the timeless - "problem of evil".  The Church and those in the Church have infuriated me to no end.  I have left a couple of churches because I couldn't agree with the ideas they were propagating.  My beliefs have continuously been taking shape and I no longer see eye to eye with some of my dearest friends.  My belief in God is stronger than ever because when I look around there isn't any doubt He exists.

Within the past year some of the people who I love the most have "come out" and said they are no longer Christians.  These are people who have done everything from live a missionary lifestyle to sing in a worship band to have Jesus tattooed on them.  This blog post is for them.

Dear ___________,

I love you.  I feel that when I've spent time with you I've walked on eggshells, maybe even drank more than I should have just so I didn't have to talk to you about your new course.  I just don't know what to say, and more than anything I want to love you and not start a fight.  But dancing around this is anything but loving.

Please forgive me if I ever used my faith/religion to hurt you, to abuse you, or manipulate you.  I'm a fuck up just like anyone else who carries the label of "Christian" (or any other religion).  I'm convinced that I don't know it all and that we don't have a real grasp on how we're supposed to love one another.  Things that I and other Christians have done have been anything but loving and I believe completely unlike the character of Christ.

I'm not asking you to "rethink" your decision.  I would love to sit with you and hear all about your decision.  Right now I'm really confused by it.

When you say that there is no God, I have a hard time believing that because when I see you I know that you're not an accident.  I don't believe you're here after some cosmic catastrophe.  I've never seen order come from chaos.  But enough about me and what I believe.  Enough about me trying to convince you about "intelligent design" - that's what I'm inclined to do and what I've begun to do here.

I know that you are upset about what you've come out of.  But please know that sometimes your words are hurtful, and make me feel like a simpleton and at worst an idiot because I choose to believe what I believe.  Could you please think about how you go about "combating" religious thoughts/practices/beliefs?    

I'm getting long winded, and ultimately I just wanted you to know that I love you unbelievably much.  How can I support you on your quest, and in your day to day life?

- Tim

Further unpacking the same-sex marriage debate...

What follows this paragraph is my email response to a friend who truly wanted to talk about the topic of same-sex marriage (starting with the Chick-fil--a debacle).  I appreciate it when friends will engage me in healthy and constructive conversation.  Too many times I've heard through the grapevine that so and so is confused by my questions/ideas, yet these people never take the time to discuss anything with me.  That is sooo frustrating and often times hurtful.  Thank you friend for being bold enough to tackle this with me.

I am in FULL support of Mr. Truett and his freedom of speech.  I don't think that he did anything wrong.  I do feel that he was maligned, and slandered.  This isn't right.  He was interviewed by a Christian publication, and he spoke his mind (and not even in depth).  Should Mr. Truett have lied, or merely changed the topic?  No, he shouldn't have to.  We can think/believe whatever we want.  So I DO take issue with how he was treated.

On the flip side of that, and where I find more fault and heart-pangs, is how Christians responded.  They too responded emotionally and often with hateful/harsh words.  It was to many as if Mr. Truett had been lynched.  Then there was the whole "Chick-fil-a Day", that in my opinion only served as a day to further paint a line between us and them.  And there's the misguided thought that stuffing one's face with a chicken sandwich is defending freedom of speech or freedom of religion.  With one's mouth full of deep fried goodness it is hard to carry on a real, honest, and possibly even life changing conversation.  But it wasn't a conversation that most people cared to have.

With this gay marriage debate there are numerous things to consider, many of which I've probably not even put a finger on yet.  This topic isn't a yes or no question; it isn't as simple as that.

So maybe I can unpack some of this with you:

• The first thing we must consider is: Is homosexuality actually wrong?
• If we believe it to be wrong, how do we convey that?  Do we just live it and encourage what's right within our own families and our churches?  Do we use the government to uphold our Christian beliefs?
• Do we continue to give the government greater control of our lives, and of our society?  Where is that line between too much and too little?
• How do we stand on our principles yet prevent ourselves from becoming hardhearted to our homosexual friends, neighbors, and coworkers?
• Are we open for discussion?  Are we available?  We are always ready to laugh with those who laugh, but are we ready to cry with those who cry?
• Do we really believe that our nation is "by the people, for the people"?  And if we do, doesn't that open the door for inclusion of all people? What if everyone voted and the majority allowed same-sex marriage?
• Can't we as Christians believe one thing while or society and government does something radically different?  Hasn't this been the case since Christianity was born?
• Do we as Christians actually have homosexual friends, or friends who aren't Christians?  If so, how well are we loving them?  How well are we conveying Christ's love to them?
• Do we have prejudices that we learned growing up that affect our decision making now regarding how homosexuals ought to be treated, and what rights should/shouldn't be granted to them? (i.e. they're all child molesters, they are perverts, they have orgies)
• In an America, where Christians were once ok with people being traded as a commodity, women being 2nd class citizens who couldn't drive, vote or work outside the home, and where interracial marriage was evil; have homosexuals become the new taboo?  Are their rights less valuable than our (possibly) Biblical worldview?
• Why are we as Christians so up in arms about this topic?  Divorce is a much more clear cut wrong in the Bible, yet we aren't taking a stand against it by making it illegal, or even condemning it in our churches.
• Many Christians believe that marriage was created by our God, and that the act of marriage, or getting married is "Christian".  Yet people around the globe have gotten married before Christ came to earth.  People from all religious traditions, and people who don't even believe in God get married day in and day out.  Where is the uproar about Buddhists or atheists defiling marriage?  Where is the cry to prevent anyone not believing in the Christian definition of marriage from getting married?
• How would the federal government allowing same-sex marriage change your faith?
• How would the federal government allowing same-sex marriage change your marriage? 

Happy Anniversary?

Isn't this the Gospel message?

Lyrics of the day...

"What's the point if you

hate, die and kill for love?

You've got a heart filled with passion.

Will you let it burn with hate or compassion?"

-Jose Gonzalez 

On doldrums and heart matters...

As I write this I sit here in my 2000 sq. ft.  3 story townhouse, my MacBook, smartphone and Roth IRA statements at hand, being warmed by central heating.  In a way these comforts are my discomfort; that annoying rock in my shoe.


Over the past handful of weeks the Lord has used several things to bring to light my complacency and inaction.  There were the sermons at the church Andrea and I have hopped our way to that reminded us of God's extravagant grace.  At one of these sermons there was two video stories of prisoners who had been changed by God's heart; at the midpoint in the sermon the pastor proclaimed that due in part to the church the two prisoners had been pardoned of their sentences (murder and attempted-murder) and these brothers were with us today.


Then there was the 58: film which hit me like the proverbial "ton of bricks" as it showed the plight of people caught in the cycle of extreme poverty. Also adding to all of the bricks was an AXIS presentation about the "Problem of Evil".


So.


I'm not quite sure where all this leaves me.  Even my recent musings about the Occupy Movement make me feel jaded and not as loving as I could or should be.  The charity art/ photo show that a friend and I are planning seems to have hit some roadblocks and that has me discouraged.


I know I'm called to love.  That doesn't seem like a calling I'm succeeding at currently.  


My "relational tithe" savings account grows and grows but I haven't blessed anyone in awhile.  But more than that I realize throwing money at people doesn't fix anything.  And I'm wrestling with the concept of: service from a position of affluence (a position I genuinely have).


This short video was just another brick hitting me with its message that applies to my current life in the doldrums and the topic of "social justice" (- beyond its original intent)...




Lord,
I feel lost.  I don't know how to use my money, my influence and my time to serve others.  Please help me see the need(s) and understand how my wife and I can address that in a way that honors you and is effective.  I'm a prideful person, with many an opinion; please quiet my mouth so it doesn't interfere with the work you're trying to accomplish.  Send me.  Use me.  Break me.  Change me.   -Amen

Quote of the day...

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Quote of the day...

"We do no have to think alike to love alike."

-John Wesley

Getting hitched/ tying the knot/ etc.

Wow. 39 days, 14 hours, and 8 minutes until I get married! 

That my friends is a daunting thing. Not like daunting as in disheartening, but as in THIS IS A BIG DEAL! And from what people who have been married a long time have told me, marriage is the biggest deal (after of course accepting Christ), even bigger than choosing your profession. 

It is in this time leading up to the big day that I am feeling more refined. Those impurities of self-worth issues, doubt, insecurities, and selfishness come to the surface. Living a single life for 33 years it is easy to carry around those burdens, never addressing them. But when you're sharing life with another those things must be acknowledged. Thankfully I have an amazing woman who is willing to talk through my "issues". 

While insecurity and personality impurities aren't the funnest thing to work through I can definitely see that I'm becoming a better man. A post I wrote back in January still rings true, and I am further convinced that a healthy - Christ centered relationship will not only draw us closer to Him, but also reveal His character.

Well I should get to bed. I thought I had more to say, but the words are failing me, or I'm failing the words. Either way I'm not accomplishing much.

"Next to God's Word the world has no more precious treasure than holy matrimony."

-Martin Luther

The sin of short-timer's syndrome...

While I don't often run into Christians who have short-timer's syndrome, I still see it from time to time. What I'm talking about is this: Christians that believe Christ is coming any moment, and all that matters is end time prophecy being fulfilled.


My dad always had a joke that he was not a pre-trib or post-trib believer, but a "pan tribulationist". Or more simply put, "Every thing will pan out."

I am definitely of similar mindset. While I think there are problems being too extreme in either direction on this issue; that Christ isn't coming back anytime soon so live a flippant life or "Jesus is coming, look busy!" I would have to say that I believe the later is more dangerous. 

Throughout the Word we are told to care for the orphan, the widow and our enemies. We are commanded to not be lazy. We are instructed to take every thought and moment captive. And Paul tells us to not abuse our freedom. It becomes easy to adopt a worldview that leads to complancency in our love towards others (mainly the poor and oppressed) because "Christ's return will fix everything." If we take a peek at Revelation it is quite clear that no one knows when Jesus will make his re-appearance.

While I'm not the best at being in the Word, or loving God and others, it is absolutely what I strive towards. This isn't because I feel that Christ will be coming back at any moment, but because He loves me. I want to live fervently because of this fact - nothing else.

There is no time to sit around singing kumbaya. The fields are ripe for harvest. There is much work to be done.

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces,

I would still plant my apple tree."

- Martin Luther 

Punk's not dead and neither is Racism...

Here are my follow-up thoughts brought on by an incredible Martin Luther King Jr. Day experience a week ago...

I pride myself in having diverse friends, and despising racism. But let me be honest. Let me self-reflect for a moment. Of the 210 friends and family contacts in my phone only 26 of those people are of a heritage other than Caucasian. Wow I really don't have a vast circle of non-white friends. Even the church I call home is primarily white even though it is an inner-city church. How does this happen? How do I find myself in a personal 1950's?

Growing up in Merced California in the 80's, the city was (and still is) very diverse. Out of a class of 30 kids, 1/4 might be white. The remainder of the kids were black, Hmong, and Hispanic. My family was probably the only white family who participated in a community garden. And a block away from our home was "the projects". I wasn't allowed to go over there, it “wasn't safe”. Looking back now I don't know how my folks determined that it "wasn't safe"… It just wasn't.

My "Christian" grandma from Texas would whisper "those people" when referring to her black and Hispanic neighbors. Every Christmas my mom would think it was funny to call Brazil Nuts, "nigger toes". I even remember one occasion where my mom told me not to let someone "Jew" me. Really?!

Even with all my exposure to other cultures growing up, the seed of mistrust for non-whites crept in through the conservatism that my folks partook in. And unfortunately these seeds of racism and discrimination are still being taught in "Christian" and conservative circles. Here are a few that come to mind:

• Blacks all use drugs, are deadbeat dads, and want to live on welfare instead of work for a living. [Hence, blacks cannot be trusted.]
• Asians are all Buddhists, and are secretly communists. [Hence, Asians cannot be trusted.]
• Hispanics are "illegal", and if they're not illegal they are helping illegals. Hispanics want to take your job from you, and are criminals. [Hence, Hispanics cannot be trusted.]
• Homosexuals cannot truly love anyone, they want to molest your kids, and want to destroy marriage. [Hence, homosexuals cannot be trusted.]
• Arabs are all Muslims, and are secretly suicide bombers in waiting. [Hence, Arabs cannot be trusted.]

Did you laugh? I kinda chuckled myself when I wrote those bullet-points, but I think it was one of those nervous laughs; like when you’re scared and you need to break the tension. If you think I’m exaggerating turn on conservative talk radio and hear what Glenn Beck, Laura Ingraham or Rush Limbaugh have to spew, I mean “say”. These people have the same message as the American Nazi Party but because they are mainstream, “conservative” and paint themselves as Christian; somehow their message can be trusted and is deemed safe.

There is so much fear pushed upon us day in and day out. This is probably one subconscious reason that I don’t keep up with the news. If I continually listened to the media, whether conservative or “liberal”, I’m pretty sure that I’d have an overwhelming sense that the sky is falling. This paranoia leads us to ideas and ideals of self-preservation. In this state of paranoia we’re discouraged to lend a helping hand because we may get taken advantage of and we’re to treat people differently because they didn’t have the benefit of conveniently being born within the borders of the United States. I could drag these cause and effect relationships of this paranoia out but I’d much rather press on than create a grand list. Needless to say – fear is not of the Lord and anything that pushes us away from loving others is anti-Christ.

I’m not looking to start a debate, and I can leave writing about the Gospel’s call to love everyone unconditionally for another time. I am just saying we Americans and Christians are not as awesome as we tend to think ourselves to be.

So why would I publicly “process” these thoughts? Well, maybe because I’m not the only one who has begun to realize that we need to love better, i.e. love like Christ; and that there are things lurking in the dark recesses of our hearts that need to be dealt with head-on in order for change to take place. It is this exposing into the light [even the messy things] that my Transparency Campaign is all about.

Lord,

Please give us the courage to seek you, and to live like Christ even if it isn’t popular, if it rubs people the wrong way and even our families think we’re crazy. Our world needs us to step up and love well. Help us understand how, and let us not overlook the opportunities all around us. We’re broken but use us anyways! We love you, help us to trust you. - Amen

The mystery of divine love...

I have these days where I feel so inept, and so inadequate in my relationship with my gorgeous fiancee Andrea. No doubt some of that is spiritual warfare, and the remainder is my wrestling with insecurity and self-comparison. Shoot, I'm a tattooed and jaded kid from Cali with an associates degree engaged to be married to a beautiful woman from the midwest that has a doctorate. There are a slew of other comparisons I can make, and have made. Each of these comparisons leaves me feeling more and more inadequate, and undeserving.

But a love given to those who don't deserve it, or even feel as if they don't deserve it has to be the greatest love of all. Think about it. If you're prideful enough to say "I deserve your love" you've made love your servant. Whereas when you're not a demanding recipient of love you are the servant of love and the one it pours upon.

My relationship with Andrea has allowed me to see these direct correlations between humanly love and the love that God has for us, yes, even while sinners. No wonder Jesus spoke time and time again about the Church being a "bride". He was putting it in terms that not only our ears but also our heart can understand. Day in and day out we long to be loved, and each day God does love us. Loves us unconditionally. Loves us even though we don't deserve it. He loves us in the midst of our darkest day, and when our backs are turned in an angry temper tantrum.

"The outstretched arms of Jesus exclude no one,

neither the drunk in the doorway,

the panhandler on the street,

gays and lesbians in their isolation,

the most selfish and ungrateful in their cocoons,

the most unjust employers and the most overweening of snobs.

The love of Christ embraces all without exception."

-Brennan Manning in The Furious Longing of God

What a mystery it is, and I strive to be a great detective such as Sherlock Holmes.

Quote of the day...

"Pain is an international language,

right alongside love.

The two must coexist

for the true weight of love to be felt."

-Me