As I write this I sit here in my 2000 sq. ft. 3 story townhouse, my MacBook, smartphone and Roth IRA statements at hand, being warmed by central heating. In a way these comforts are my discomfort; that annoying rock in my shoe.
Over the past handful of weeks the Lord has used several things to bring to light my complacency and inaction. There were the sermons at the church Andrea and I have hopped our way to that reminded us of God's extravagant grace. At one of these sermons there was two video stories of prisoners who had been changed by God's heart; at the midpoint in the sermon the pastor proclaimed that due in part to the church the two prisoners had been pardoned of their sentences (murder and attempted-murder) and these brothers were with us today.
Then there was the 58: film which hit me like the proverbial "ton of bricks" as it showed the plight of people caught in the cycle of extreme poverty. Also adding to all of the bricks was an AXIS presentation about the "Problem of Evil".
So.
I'm not quite sure where all this leaves me. Even my recent musings about the Occupy Movement make me feel jaded and not as loving as I could or should be. The charity art/ photo show that a friend and I are planning seems to have hit some roadblocks and that has me discouraged.
I know I'm called to love. That doesn't seem like a calling I'm succeeding at currently.
My "relational tithe" savings account grows and grows but I haven't blessed anyone in awhile. But more than that I realize throwing money at people doesn't fix anything. And I'm wrestling with the concept of: service from a position of affluence (a position I genuinely have).
This short video was just another brick hitting me with its message that applies to my current life in the doldrums and the topic of "social justice" (- beyond its original intent)...
Lord,
I feel lost. I don't know how to use my money, my influence and my time to serve others. Please help me see the need(s) and understand how my wife and I can address that in a way that honors you and is effective. I'm a prideful person, with many an opinion; please quiet my mouth so it doesn't interfere with the work you're trying to accomplish. Send me. Use me. Break me. Change me. -Amen
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